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Myth Buster: Zert Technology

Zert technology was developed by Specialized to address Low Frequency Vibration.  Low Frequency Vibration, an undetectable force in the cyclist’s universe, is believed to be the cause of numerous maladies from hand numbness to lower back pain to halitosis.  Standing in a bike shop in 2005, staring at the new Sequoia, I suffered from all three.  But this bike should have caused me to crumble to the floor with spasms of uncontrollable laughter.  Not only did it have carbon forks and seat stays, but they had large holes in them plugged with rubber.  Surely this bike was Specialized’s attempt to prove to the world that there’s one born every minute (PT Barnum or WC Fields. I can never remember which).   I pride myself on being a very rational thinker.  So let me give a little background to explain how my mind led me to ride off on a bike with big see-through holes in the fork.

Immediately following WWII, German scientists came into the employment (were captured) by both the Americans and the Russians.  Twenty or so years later, as a young lad, I’m watching astronauts bounce around on the moon thanks to those German scientists.  Forty or so years after that I’m standing in a bike shop looking at the Sequoia. 

Here is what I believe to be the subconscious line of reasoning that followed: “Zert” sounds German.  Germans are smart.  Ergo Zert works.  This is the same line of reasoning that causes people to buy cars with diesel engines even though they rattle and billow blue smoke.  Now if I pause to think hard, I know that the average human IQ is about 100 and that if you throw a rock into a melting pot of humans the odds are with you that you will hit someone with an IQ of about 100, regardless of where they were born: Germany, Poland, Ireland, where ever.  Germans are really no smarter than anyone else.  They idolize David Hasselhoff for goodness sakes.  But it takes a lot of energy to think hard so I usually just go with gut instinct.

So, after 5 years and thousands of miles of field testing, I am now prepared say conclusively if I believe Zert Technology works.  After riding the Sequoia across the state of North Carolina from the mountains to the sea, countless century rides, day rides and short tours I can honestly say I think it might actually work.  Maybe.  My hands are no longer numb and my lower back pain is gone and my breath is minty fresh.  But is it due to Zert technology or the bike’s long chain stay or the suspension seat post or the placebo effect?  Who can say?  I will say that this is the most comfortable bike I have ever ridden.

Thank you for putting up with me, Jack

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